Forgive

According to Gottman a quote I like is:

“you don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive”

You don’t have to see one large problem and put the rest of your marriage on hold. A marriage is filled with many issues that you will come across and some may not be easy to come together as a couple and agree on but these issues are not the sum total that makes a marriage still be worth it or not but it’s the also the friendship and support that you also have to see. 

In my own life I have seen conflicts come up in friendships and it naturally is really hard to just focus on that and how your different but I think we need to realize when there is real differences and how we need to be patient and accepting beyond the things that we can let get the best of how we see someone in a negative lighting.

Also Gottman mentioned:

“Avoiding conflict over a perpetual problem leads to disengagement”

The problems that are in marriage that don’t seem to die out are the ones that are considered “perpetual problems”. And it seems that in a marriage you need to be open on how you feel about certain issues. If you are still loving and friends and bring help and balance to each other than it should be okay to not have same opinions on things. I think that in a great marriage you needs some kinds of these problems or you could marry a clone version of yourself. Naturally there are differences in the relationship but it helps with learning to be understanding and patient and work on yourself or else you wont be as pushed to be your best self in life. I know that I have people that may make me uncomfortable but it helps me stay aware and not be selfish.

All in this process we should be thoughtful and forgiving in the growth that comes from marriage. a quote I like about forgiving says.

“people who are taught to forgive become “less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed,” james E Faust